


Second Chances Come Easy

by ClareGuilty



Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: Gabe is a stupidhead, Light Angst, M/M, Mild Smut, Mutual Pining, Pining, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-30
Updated: 2019-03-30
Packaged: 2019-12-26 14:54:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,580
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18284564
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ClareGuilty/pseuds/ClareGuilty
Summary: Gabriel Reyes pines for his best agent, who also happens to be in a relationship. When things go south, Jesse confronts Gabe for meddling in his personal affairs. Gabe tells him he's acting in the best interest of Blackwatch, that this has nothing to do with him.How could Gabe possibly say it's because he's in love with Jesse McCree.





	Second Chances Come Easy

**Author's Note:**

> This is mostly unedited. I really really like McReyes but I can't write for them without it coming out way too long.

It happened during morning drills. Everyone saw it coming. Everyone except McCree, that is. He had been a time bomb, pressure and emotion building and building with no outlet for 72 hours. Gabe was waiting. Blackwatch was waiting. McCree insisted that nothing was wrong.

So, three days from emotional devastation ground zero, Peacekeeper clattered loudly on the shooting range floor. Milena and Pramila looked up briefly but otherwise didn’t react. Gabe was thankful. He had discreetly assigned the two to train alongside McCree because he knew this was going to happen. 

Gabe was hanging back, positioned near enough to Milena that if anyone had asked, he could have claimed to need her attention for one thing or another. This plan would have worked on the first day after the incident. By now, it was obvious that Gabe was just following McCree, waiting.

The gun hit the floor. McCree made no move to pick it up. Gabe counted out four seconds before he approached. Jesse’s expression was unreadable, but his anguish was apparent in his eyes, in the tautness of his muscles. Gabe fought the urge to reach for him, to comfort him. Instead, he spoke low and fast.

“You’re dismissed for the day, McCree. Come to my office for lunch, 12:30. Hit the showers.”

Gabe picked up Peacekeeper, flicking the safety and placing the gun on the low counter beside them. McCree holstered the gun and slowly walked out of the range. His moves were robotic and unfamiliar. Gabe fought every emotion that surged through him and left to go do his job for the first time in three days.

Nothing was wrong with Jesse. Not officially, at least. He was healthy as a horse and all of his paperwork was in perfect order.

But he wasn’t okay. It was clear. He was sleepless and distracted, jumpy and paranoid. He hadn’t eaten for two days, avoiding the canteen just as he avoided every other communal space on base. His training scores were down, firearm accuracy dropping from 99% to an alarming 86%.

Gabe hadn’t been able to figure out what was wrong at first. His best agent, suddenly useless. His team was no help either, refusing to say anything that may get Jesse in trouble. Gabe was proud of their loyalty.

So Gabe listened. He wasn’t above eavesdropping on petty gossip if he needed information on his agents. People talked, Gabe listened. He picked up information from every blabbermouth on base until he could piece together what had happened to his cowboy.

This was a shitshow.

A disaster that had rendered Gabe’s best agent and closest friend useless and paranoid. The story he heard uncovered just how shitty people can really be - even the good guys.

Gabe grimaced. He wasn’t sure Blackwatch was doing much good, but he held himself to a strict moral standard, higher than most.

Higher than this piece of shit.

Gabe felt powerless. He could only imagine Jesse’s pain. What could he do? Could he fix things? No. He could not take away the hurt. But he would do whatever he could to make things easier.

By noon, Gabe had caught up on everything he had been unable to focus on for the past three days. He cleared his desk and went to the canteen to pick up two full trays of food. Jesse had only just started eating again that morning. Milena messaged Gabe to say she had dropped a plate of bacon and toast by his room and he had cleared most of the plate before heading to drills.

He was glad that Blackwatch had rallied behind Jesse. Things would have been more difficult if Jesse hadn’t had his family to help him through this. Everyone was helping in their own small way. Milena with breakfast. Pramila with her soft smiles and gentle touches. Stevens' boundless wealth of joy and smiles. Even O'Dell had mustered some compassion. 

But the rot was still there. The festering wound that had grown like a tumor, undetected despite all of Gabe’s best efforts.

He couldn’t blame himself. Not reasonably. But he did.

_If I had known. If I had been more thorough. If I had said something._

But what could he have said? He didn’t know any better than Jesse.

He was sure Jesse blamed himself as well.

And Gabe was powerless. What could he do? Take Jesse out of the field? What would he put on the paperwork? Was this the kind of thing he could take up with Ana, or Jack?

There was no protocol for a situation like this.

The door to Gabe’s office opened. Jesse stood frozen on the other side of the threshold. Gabe hated that he looked scared. Where was the smug, feisty, cocksure cowboy he had recruited from the gorge, coyote wild and fueled by a need to prove himself? Where was the smiling, confident, adept agent Gabe had grown to depend on, easy going and a trustworthy friend?

“McCree,” Gabe greeted, struggling with the boundary of formality and familiarity, “come sit down, the potatoes are good.”

Jesse shuffled awkwardly into the room, looking more and more terrified with each passing moment. He thought this was an ambush. Gabe noticed the red around his eyes, fresher than it had been every morning before now. He noticed the way Jesse hugged his arms to his chest, looking as though he was going to double over in pain at any moment. Gabe knew that empty feeling. That crushing void just below his ribcage.

Rage shot through Gabe so quickly he almost couldn’t name it. Someone had done this to Jesse. Someone had _hurt_ him.

Jesse sat, and Gabe stared him down until he had taken three bites of potatoes. Since his recruitment to Blackwatch, Jesse had put on enough weight to reach a healthy BMI. In the last three days, it looked as though he had lost ten pounds.

The rage lingered this time, burning in Gabe’s chest as he took in the damage Jesse had sustained. And this was only what he could _see_.

“How are you doing, Jesse?” Gabe asked. He was very careful with his posture, deliberate as he pulled his own tray close and took a bite.

“To be honest, boss. I feel like shit.” Jesse’s voice broke. Gabe watched his shoulders shake before Jesse took a long, deep breath and met Gabe’s eyes. They looked tortured. “I’m going to get better, though. I promise. I’ll be ready to go by the end of the week. Don’t worry none.”

Gabe watched as Jesse’s eyes unfocused, as he dragged his nails down his arms. The kid was grieving, working through pain that Gabe could only imagine because he’d never experience it before. Yet, here he sat trying to prove that he was good enough, that he could still make the cut.

“We can figure it out together when you think you’re ready to go out in the field,” Gabe said. “Right now, I just need to know one thing. Can you talk about it?”

Jesse looked startled, like he hadn’t expected Gabe to ask that. He glanced to his hands, then to the desk, then to Gabe.

“I guess I can? I don’t know what good talking will do. Talking ain’t gonna change much if you ask me.” Jesse’s face screwed up, and Gabe was glad to see a little bit of fight in him, something to displace the vague, zombied look he had been wearing for the past three days.

“Do you want to talk to one of the psych staff? Or I can even see if Ana is available if you’d feel more comfortable talking to her,” Gabe offered. 

“No- no,” Jesse shook his head, “I can just tell you, if that’s fine.” His hands shook a little as he spoke. Gabe worried it was too soon. Should he wait a few more days? Would it be better if he acted quickly? What was in Jesse’s best interest?

“That’s perfect, Jesse. I’m still not exactly sure what happened, though I have my own ideas. Your team has been very good about protecting you. Think of this like a debrief for a bad mission, okay? Just tell me exactly what happened.” Gabe pushed both of their trays out of the way and slid a datapad between them. “Is it okay if I record this? Just like a mission report.” He raised his hands in a gesture of surrender, placating.

Jesse just nodded, his face already steeling into the same mask he wore after a particularly rough op. This was good. He was protecting himself, processing.

Gabe tapped the record button. “This is Blackwatch Commander Gabriel Reyes speaking with Agent Jesse McCree.” Gabe looked up to where Jesse had relaxed some, easing into the protocol he was so familiar with. “Agent McCree, whenever you’re ready.”

Jesse took a deep breath. He dragged his nails over his arms once more before he started speaking.

“Agent Hughes and I started dating a few months ago, after the op in Bolivia. We had, uh, hooked up a few times before that, but we weren’t nothing serious until Bolivia.” Jesse squeezed his eyes shut. Gabe couldn’t fight the roiling emotions that threatened to break his resolve. Nevertheless, he sat still and silent as Jesse continued speaking.

“Things were fine for a while. Good. I was happy. They were happy. How was I supposed to know-”

Jesse took a deep breath and started again.

“Four days ago, I found out Ja- Hughes was seeing someone else. A girl in the research labs up in Overwatch proper. They had been hooking up and spending time together without my knowledge. I believed that Hughes and I were in an exclusive monogamous relationship. They had violated my trust by seeing this woman.”

Jesse stared at the wall blankly, as if he still couldn’t believe it was true. Gabe fought the urge to comfort Jesse. This needed to be as formal as possible.

“When I confronted Jam- Hughes, they denied everything. They told me that I was being too overbearing, and they accused me of being untrusting and cruel. I dropped the subject and went to another agent for advice. This agent - Milena - advised me to come to you, sir.”

Jesse took a moment to put himself back together. Gabe waited patiently.

“I didn’t take Milena’s advice. I didn’t think this was the kind of thing you would want to deal with. Instead, I figured out who the girl from the research labs was and I confronted her. I told her that I was in a relationship with Agent Hughes and that I felt she needed to know about their infidelity. The girl, Karie, said that she did not know about my relationship with Hughes. She disagreed with their actions and told me they would not be seeing them again. But she also confirmed that Hughes had been cheating on me for a month now.”

Jesse sighed. “Karie is nice. She didn’t deserve this.”

Gabe spoke now. “You didn’t deserve this either, Jesse. None of this was your fault.”

Jesse nodded, but he didn’t look like he believed Gabe.

“That night, I brought it up again with Hughes. I told them that I had spoken to Karie and that I wanted to stop seeing each other.”

Jesse’s fingers raked over the legs of his jeans. “Hughes grew angry with me. Yelled at me for speaking to Karie and blamed me for everything. They were cruel. I’m not going to repeat the things they said.”

Gabe wanted to know. Wanted to know every awful word because he wanted to know what Jesse needed. He wanted to know how angry he needed to be at Hughes, as if he weren’t already at the risk of snapping their neck the next time he saw them.

“When I tried to leave their quarters, they grew violent - nothing too serious,” Jesse attempted to backpedal when Gabe’s eyes snapped up. “Just a few scratches and slaps. I just blocked what I could, didn’t hit back none or try to push them off. I just made it to the door and went back to my room.” Jesse’s posture began to soften. He was reaching the end.

“They sent me a ton of nasty messages that night. I have them all on my comm still; I don’t know why. The next day, I was worried about seeing them in training, but they just ignored me. Haven’t said a word to me since then. I’m guessing things will blow over pretty soon and everything will be back to normal.” Jesse shrugged, but Gabe could see the weight on his shoulders.

“Is that everything, Agent McCree?” Gabe asked.

“Yeah, that’s it,” Jesse sighed.

Gabe ended the recording. He buried his face in his hands for a moment, trying to calm himself after everything he just heard. He had to do this right. For Jesse.

“Do you feel safe?” he asked.

Jesse looked surprised at the question, as though that was a strange thing to consider.

“Do you feel safe, Jesse?” Gabe repeated.

“Yeah, boss. Everything's fine. I uh, changed the code to my room. I’m sure you got the notification.”

Gabe had. He should have realized then that something was wrong.

“I just want to make sure you’re okay,” Gabe said. “I’m going to do what I can to fix this. Everything will be fine.”

Jesse laughed, a weak chuckle. “I’m not sure you can fix my broken heart, sir. Not to be a sap or anything. But I’ll be over it. Ready to go in just a few days.”

“This isn’t about your performance as an agent, Jesse.” Gabe’s fists clenched beneath his desk. “This is about your personal safety and wellbeing. I’m going to try and make things better for you.” Gabe was insistent. Jesse couldn’t meet his eyes.

“I’ll be fine,” Jesse said. He was shutting down, closing Reyes out. Gabe knew he it would be better to just let him go.

Jesse stood to leave, but Gabe stopped him before he got to the door.

“Jesse,” he called. Jesse turned back, still on the defensive. “Why didn’t you come to me? When Milena told you to? I would have tried to help, you know?” Gabe sat, terrified for Jesse’s answer.

“I didn’t want to bother you. You’re always so busy. You didn’t need me coming in here all teary eyed to complain about my love life.” Jesse shrugged and left.

Gabe slumped in the chair. That answer wasn’t any better than the one he was most afraid of. Gabe wanted Jesse to trust him. He considered him a friend. To know that Jesse still didn’t see Reyes that way hurt a little. He tried to ignore the reason why.

Instead, he snatched up the datapad and stormed to Ana’s office. It was only a stroke of luck that he didn’t pass Agent Hughes on the way there.

* * *

That night, Gabe lay in bed, furiously messaging Ana and Jack as they worked through the situation. Ana knew too much, but she was still helpful. Jack was perfectly oblivious, but his compassion and dedication were exactly what Gabe needed.

Hughes had to go. There was no way around it. Gabe, personally, wanted the scumbag dead. Ana and Jack were more reasonable.

Jack would sign the papers. In two days, Agent Hughes would be dishonorably discharged and Gabe would be less tempted to murder one of his own agents.

Gabe was making the right decision. He knew that. But he worried he was doing it for the wrong reason.

The last three months had been difficult, seeing Jesse happy with someone else. The last three days had been impossible, seeing Jesse hurt _because of_ someone else.

Gabe was in love with Jesse McCree.

He had handled it appropriately, until now. He wouldn’t let his feelings cloud his judgment or compromise his ability on the field. He respected Jesse’s boundaries and let him make decisions for himself.

He hated seeing Jesse get hurt.

Gabe knew this wouldn’t change anything. Jesse would still have to deal with the heartbreak. But making Hughes disappear would hopefully make things easier.

_I’m guessing things will blow over pretty soon and everything will be back to normal._

Jesse’s words rattled around in Gabe’s head.

_Back to normal._

Normal meant Gabe still couldn’t have Jesse.

Not that Jesse would have returned his feelings.

Gabe was a washed up old soldier. A grumpy, unapproachable man who only ever ran drills and sent agents to their deaths. What could Jesse want with a man like that?

Jesse. Youthful, vibrant, spitfire Jesse. Gabe’s heart twinged at the thought of him. Even if Gabe couldn’t have Jesse, he wanted him to be happy.

* * *

Four days later and Jesse was back in Gabe’s office. This time he stormed in unannounced, stomping right up to Reyes’s desk with fury in his eyes. Gabe was shocked. The day before, Jesse was still that same catatonic robot with a vacant stare. Today he looked _alive_.

“What did you do?” Jesse demanded, one palm slamming down on the wood of Gabe’s desk.

Gabe didn’t try to play dumb. “I did what was best for my team.” He matched Jesse’s gaze, unyielding to the wrath in his expression.

“Who said it was any of your business?” Jesse snarled. “Who said you could meddle in my life like that?”

Gabe had to bite down on his temper before it could get the better of him. He took a deep breath before he spoke.

“Jesse, you have to understand. My best agent was _assaulted_ \- not to mention the verbal abuse. I can’t let behavior like that go unpunished. I can’t put the rest of my team in danger like that. This isn’t just about you. I had to look out for all of Blackwatch.” Gabe lied. It was about Jesse. It was only ever about Jesse. Gabe couldn’t sleep at night knowing that Jesse had to wake up every day and face the source of his pain like it was no problem.

“So you _discharged_ them?” Jesse’s indignance had not tempered. Gabe was actually happy to be on the receiving end of McCree’s fury. It was better than the empty, sad looks he had seen for the past week.

“I couldn’t let their actions go unpunished,” Gabe said. 

_I couldn’t look at them without wanting to tear their throat out,_ He thought. If Hughes had stayed, Jesse would have had to work alongside them again. Gabe couldn’t force him to go through that. He couldn’t trust himself to make the right call.

“I couldn’t trust Hughes anymore. They threatened one of my agents; who’s to say they wouldn’t endanger the rest of Blackwatch? There’s no room for that kind of risk on my team. I wasn’t going to endanger the lives of my agents, not when I had that kind of information,” Gabe said evenly. He was right. Jesse’s anger was baseless and reactionary. He would get over it.

And Jesse did get over it. He forgave Gabe in less than twelve hours. He began putting himself together piece by piece. It was a slow process, but Blackwatch helped. He watched as Jesse’s family supported him, comforted him, healed him.

Gabe wished he could do the same.

But Jesse didn’t want him.

So Gabe carried on as he always had. Working, training, saving the world without ever getting the recognition he deserved. 

Until he found Jesse on the roof.

Gabe couldn’t explain why he was up so late. ( _Thinking of Jesse_ ) But he was shocked to see the silhouette of a cowboy hat and the orange glow of a cigar as he climbed the stairs to the roof.

Jesse turned at the sound of footsteps.

“Those sounded like your boots, boss,” Jesse smiled as he noticed who had found his hiding place. Gabe tried to ignore that Jesse had memorized the sound of his footsteps.

“What are you doing up here, McCree?” Gabe asked. 

“Am I in trouble?” Jesse asked. He looked like he had been caught doing something he shouldn’t have, but he also didn’t look like he cared too much. Fucking delinquent.

Gabe shook his head and chuckled. “You’re not in trouble. Do you mind if I join you?”

Jesse patted the spot beside him, so Gabe took a seat.

“What’s keeping you up?” Jesse asked innocently. Gabe hated the way his gut twisted in worry. He couldn’t tell Jesse the truth.

“Kaplan is trying to slash our budget again. He shouldn’t keep demanding results if he isn’t going to give us the funding we need.” Gabe said. It was only a half-lie. The dwindling Blackwatch accounts were certainly a great source of stress, but nothing to lose sleep over. “How are you doing?”

Jesse sighed and puffed his cigar. “I’m better. I’m actually doing pretty good. The only time I have trouble is nights like this. Being up here usually helps, though.”

Gabe had seen Jesse come back to himself over the past several weeks. He smiled more, he wandered around base freely, he had been out in the field already.

“It’s good to see you smiling again,” Gabe said carefully, “I missed having my cowboy around.”

Jesse blinked. _Not careful enough_ , Gabe cursed.

“It’s good to be back,” Jesse said. “I didn’t even feel like a person for a few weeks there. I was just kind of dragging myself along. I can totally understand why you kept me out of the field.”

Gabe wasn’t sure what to say. He crossed his arms over his chest and stared out over Zurich base.

Nights on the roof became a routine for Gabe and Jesse. Jesse would talk - because Jesse always talked - and sometimes he would say something he meant. Gabe would listen to the slow, smooth drawl of Jesse’s voice. Deep, but not as deep as his own, without the roughness and age that Gabe’s voice had acquired through war. 

Gabe started smoking again because of Jesse. Gabe hadn’t touched a cigarette since Fareeha was born - neither had Jack. The smoke burned his throat at first, and Gabe tried to hide the way his eyes watered as he passed the cigar back to Jesse. Ziegler would get on to him for sure.

The nights became easier for Jesse and harder for Gabe. Jesse became more vibrant, more _himself_. Gabe watched his eyes crinkle and his mouth fall open in a wide, goofy smile. The sound of Jesse’s laughter pealed over the steel roofs of the base and Gabe couldn’t remember if he’d even said anything funny.

Gabe knew he was torturing himself. Knew he was letting himself fall in love with a man who would never have him, a man who deserved so much more than a pathetic old killer. But he stayed, he spent every night on that damn roof letting the ache in his chest grow until it felt like it was tearing his ribs apart.

It was Gabe’s fault when Jesse got hurt.

He should have known better. What was he thinking? Putting his best agent in danger like that was unforgivable.

But Jesse forgave him easily.

“It was nobody’s fault, boss,” Jesse assured him. “Milena will say the same thing. Besides, the burns weren’t nothing serious. Everything’s fixable, right Angie?” 

The blonde nodded and patted Jesse’s arm lightly. He hopped up from the bed and nudged Gabe. They began walking back towards the Blackwatch wing. As the left the med bay, Jesse waved to one of the interns.

“Hey Karie,” he greeted. Gabe tensed. Jesse looked fine.

Milena reassured Gabe that no one was at fault for Jesse’s injuries out in the field.

“There was no way of knowing about the gas leak before we opened fire. A muzzle flash or something must have ignited the gas, but it wasn’t really something we could have avoided. It burned through pretty quickly, only a small explosion. We’ve all had worse before.” She shrugged. “Jesse’s doing fine. You’re beating yourself up over nothing.”

Gabe felt better, but only a little bit.

He didn’t go to the roof that night. A surprising amount of willpower convinced him to stay in his office and glare at paperwork.

His comm pinged with a message.

> JM: It’s lonely without you up here

> GR: Sorry, cowboy. I’m busy tonight.

> JM: Need any company?

Gabe hissed through his teeth. He couldn’t type what he wanted to say. Instead, he deflected.

> GR: I’m not going to make you work at 11 pm, Jesse

Gabe went back to glaring.

Not even ten minutes had passed before Gabe’s office door slid open and Jesse waltzed in like it was his private quarters. He flopped onto the ratty couch in the corner and grinned lazily at Gabe.

“I’m not here to work. Just to admire the view.” Jesse raised his eyebrows and laced his fingers behind his head.

Gabe took a deep breath. There were so many things wrong with this situation. Doing his best to block out Jesse, he went back to work.

Jesse was surprisingly well behaved. He didn’t make a mess or chatter uselessly or otherwise be a nuisance. He just relaxed on the couch, eyes focused on Gabe as the commander trudged through reports.

Gabe couldn’t take it. He couldn’t stand Jesse’s silence. The cowboy usually said everything he was thinking as he was thinking it and the not-knowing was driving Gabe up the wall. Shuffling the papers and holo screens on his desk, Gabe stood. It was earlier than he anticipated going to bed, but he couldn’t concentrate with Jesse _right there_.

Jesse’s eyes followed Gabe as he cleaned up and headed for the door. He made no move to get off the couch.

“You can’t stay here,” Gabe stared at Jesse, expressionless.

Jesse shrugged and held his arms in front of him like he was a child. Gabe had seen Fareeha pull the exact same move when she was _five_. “Help me up,” Jesse said.

“Get out of my office,” Gabe sighed.

“I will once you help me up,” Jesse insisted. He waggled his fingers.

Gabe leaned forward and yanked Jesse off the couch by one wrist. He rolled onto the floor with a thump and a groan. Gabe worried he may have accidentally dislocated Jesse’s shoulder. Sometimes he didn’t know his own strength.

Jesse pushed himself to his feet with a grimace. “You’re no fun,” he muttered. Gabe followed Jesse back towards the Blackwatch wing. His shoulder looked fine.

“I’ll see you in the morning, Jesse,” Gabe said before Jesse keyed into his room. He opened his own door and got ready for bed, knowing he wouldn’t be able to sleep.

* * *

“Hey, Gabe?” Jesse was in Gabe’s office again, taking up space on his couch while Gabe skimmed through surveillance footage. It was the kind of work Jesse would actually be useful for, but Gabe preferred the cowboy on the other side of his desk, where he could do his best to ignore him.

He could not ignore him any longer.

“What?” He wasn’t trying to sound annoyed, it just came out that way. Feigned indifference, but overacted to the point of vexation.

Jesse didn’t care. “I never apologized for getting angry at you. A few months ago. When everything happened.”

Gabe blinked, taking a second to figure out what the hell Jesse was talking about.

“It’s fine,” he said once he realized. “You had a right to be upset.”

“I still wanted to say I’m sorry. You were just trying to look out for m- for Blackwatch. I’m actually glad you did what you did,” Jesse kept talking. “I couldn’t see it at the time but you were helping me in a lot of ways - made things easier.”

“Jesse,” Gabe cut him off, “It’s really no big deal. I did what I had to do. Don’t worry about it.”

Things were still for a moment. Gabe went back to the footage.

“You aren’t angry with me, are you?” Jesse asked. His voice was smaller this time, more afraid.

Gabe spluttered and slammed the pause button. “Of course I’m not angry with you. I wouldn’t let you hang around in my office all the time otherwise.”

“Oh,” Jesse chewed his lip for a moment, “I guess you’re right.”

Jesse’s questions worried Gabe. It wasn’t like McCree to doubt himself.

The next night, they were on the roof again. Gabe listened carefully to McCree’s chatter. He sounded fine for the most part, scatterbrained as usual.

Without thinking, Gabe asked the first question that came to mind. It was a stupid question, and he instantly regretted it.

“Are you seeing anyone right now?” The words came tumbling out, not quite fitting together right. But Jesse understood what he was asking.

They both froze. Jesse blushed bright red and every muscle in Gabe’s body tensed.

“Uh, no,” Jesse said, once he had collected himself. “I don’t know if it’s a good idea, dating Blackwatch agents again. I’m still trying to figure out what I think.”

“What about outside of Blackwatch?” Gabe pressed.

“Well, I’m not really interested in anyone outside of Blackwatch.” Jesse looked away, like he had said something wrong.

“That’s fine,” Gabe said. He was at ease to know that Jesse hadn’t found anyone new, even though it wasn’t any of his business. It was selfish of him. What was he waiting for? Jesse to love him back?

It wasn’t until Gabe was lying in bed, nearly asleep, when it struck him.

Jesse had feelings for someone in Blackwatch.

Even if he was unsure about pursuing a relationship, Jesse had fallen for someone on his team.

It was a matter that didn’t concern Gabe in the slightest. With Hughes gone, Gabe trusted every member of his team without question. They were honest people. None of them would hurt Jesse in the way Hughes had.

He had to know who it was.

Gabe began watching, very closely. He catalogued every single interaction that Jesse McCree had in a day. 

He sat with Stevens and Milena at breakfast. The three of them teased each other endlessly and picked food from each other’s trays.

He partnered up with Pramila in the practice range. They were quick and professional, but the camaraderie was clear between them.

Lunch was a loud disaster, everyone talking over one another and demanding attention. Jesse didn’t devote his time to any one person more than the other.

In fact, Jesse treated everyone in Blackwatch the same. He blended seamlessly into the team, interacting as family.

If he did have feelings for one of his fellow agents, he was hiding them very well.

Gabe’s office door opened and he didn’t even have to look up to know that Jesse had let himself in as usual.

“Is there a reason you only ever barge in on me?” Gabe asked.

Jesse looked shocked at the question.

“Why do you only ever hang out in my office?” Gabe asked again.

“Well, boss, you’re the only one with an office,” Jesse grinned, but it didn’t reach his eyes.

“You know what I mean.”

“I don’t know,” Jesse said thoughtfully. “You’re easy to be around, I guess. I don’t ever feel like I have to try hard when I’m around you.”

Gabe was taken aback by the answer. He had thought that Jesse was so easygoing with everyone. He always looked confident and happy when he was with the others.

“I can leave if I’m bothering you,” Jesse moved to stand.

“You don’t have to go. I was just curious, is all.”

“I think I’m gonna head out anyways.” Jesse gave a lazy salute before ducking out the door.

Gabe wanted to kick himself. The only thing he wanted was Jesse. Even if all he got were a few hours of comfortable silence, it was nice to know Jesse was there.

He had fucked up.

Gabe sat alone on the roof that night. Jesse never showed up.

Gabe imagined Jesse spending time with whoever it was he had fallen for. He pictured Jesse smiling and joking along with the vague outline of someone who wasn’t him.

He couldn’t help it. He pictured Jesse in bed with someone. The other person was different every other second, flashing through every agent of Blackwatch until it froze on Gabe. He stared blindly out into the night, fantasizing about himself in bed with Jesse.

Days passed and Gabe hated to admit how much he missed Jesse.

He needed to apologize. To say _something_ so the guilt would stop eating at him and maybe Jesse would start coming back around.

Gabe cornered him in the locker room. It wasn’t a decision he was proud of, but it would give him a chance to say what he needed to say.

Jesse was just out of the shower. He looked up when he heard Gabe’s footsteps.

“What’s up, boss?” he asked. Everything seemed fine, he didn’t even look like he was upset.

Gabe pushed forward anyways. “I don’t actually mind you hanging out in my office,” he said, straight to the point. “You’re good company and fun to have around.”

Jesse turned pink, from his cheeks all the way down to the towel that was wrapped around his waist. Gabe’s eyes snapped back up. Bad time.

Jesse fumbled for words. “Uh, thanks, I guess. I’m sorry I haven’t been around lately. I’ve been trying to figure some stuff out.”

Gabe’s chest tightened.

_I don’t know if it’s a good idea, dating Blackwatch agents again. I’m still trying to figure out what I think._

He could hear Jesse’s words in his head.

Gabe willed himself to stay calm. He fought the urge to grab Jesse by the shoulders and demand to know who he had fallen in love with that wasn’t him. Instead, he crossed his arms to keep his heart from falling out of his chest.

“Well, feel free to stop by if you have the time,” Gabe said nonchalantly. He was too used to putting on a poker face, it came too easily.  
“I miss having my cowboy around,” he let the mask slip.

His heart was pounding as he turned to leave. He would keep his composure until he made it to his quarters and then he would let himself fall apart.

A hand latched onto Gabe’s shoulder and suddenly he was being spun around so fast he thought he was falling. His arms flew out instinctively only to slam against something warm and solid. 

Jesse.

He was still warm from the shower, and his skin was sticky where it was damp. Gabe could smell the shampoo as Jesse kissed him.

Oh.

_Oh._

It was over just as quickly as it had happened. Jesse took two steps back and Gabe could read the guilt in his eyes like neon in the dark.

“I’m sorry,” Jesse’s hands were shaking. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

But Gabe was already closing in again. His fingers tangled in Jesse’s wet hair, and he was crushing Jesse against him.

Jesse was equally as enthusiastic. He moaned into Gabe’s mouth and carefully walked them backwards until Gabe’s back was pressed to the cool metal of the lockers.

Something soft pooled on the toe of Gabe’s boot, and his eyes widened in realization.

_Jesse’s towel._

He looked equally as embarrassed as he realized what had happened and pulled away quickly raising his hands in surrender.

Gabe didn’t look down. Didn’t see that Jesse was already half hard. And his mouth definitely did not water.

It was awkward for 15 seconds while Jesse pulled on his sweatpants and tossed the towel into the hamper. Then he and Gabe were staring at each other and it was still awkward.

“Let’s go back to my room,” Gabe suggested. Jesse nodded stiffly.

They wound up on opposite ends of the couch. This one was much nicer than the one in his office.

Gabe stared at the carpet for 45 seconds before he figured out how to speak.

“I guess I’m an idiot,” he said.

“I don’t want to say yes, but you’re right.” Jesse agreed solemnly.

“How long?” Gabe asked. He hoped he didn’t need to clarify. He wasn’t sure he could say the words.

“A few months. It must have started when we were hanging out on the roof, but I didn’t realize it until after I started hanging around your office.” Jesse shrugged, he seemed comfortable, open. Gabe was envious of how easy this seemed for him.

“Did you know? That I… felt the same way?” It was stupid, to be shy. But he couldn’t help it.

“Not at first. I was to busy being scared shitless for having a crush on my CO. But I figured it out after a while. I was confused. You always seemed… distant. I couldn’t figure out why. I thought maybe you were nervous about what happened with Hughes, or that it was because I’m your subordinate, it didn’t make sense to me.”

Gabe sighed. “It’s because I’m an idiot, Jesse. That’s why I didn’t tell you how I felt.”

“Good to know,” Jesse said, his cheeks were still red and he hadn’t stopped smiling since they had left the locker room.

“Are you okay? With this?” Gabe asked. He had to be sure.

“Yeah, I’m okay.” Jesse looked at Gabe and his eyes were so warm there was nothing he could do to keep his stomach from flipping.

“You can-” Gabe’s breath hitched as he tried to say what he wanted. “Would you want to stay here tonight?” he finally managed to ask.

Jesse didn’t say anything. Instead, he leaned across the couch and kissed Gabe.

It was overwhelming. Jesse’s lips were soft. He was still warm. Gabe couldn’t think.

Jesse took Gabe’s face in his hands, looking intently into his eyes.

“You good?” Jesse asked, and Gabe managed to nod even though his jaw was wedged between Jesse’s palms. He was good. This was good.

Jesse led him to the bed. He kissed Gabe until Gabe could kiss back, then he tugged his commander’s shirt off. Things sped up from there. Gabe couldn’t keep his hands of Jesse just as Jesse’s own hands roamed over Gabe’s scarred skin.

Jesse was careful. He let himself move slowly as his mouth worked its way down Gabe’s neck, over his chest, and across his stomach. He was giving Gabe a chance to stop him.

Gabe couldn’t even think of the word stop.

And then Jesse was tugging Gabe’s belt through the loops and dragging the zipper of his pants down and Gabe never wanted to forget how _good_ Jesse looked when he was peering up at him with his hands on his cock.

Gabe wanted more. He wanted so much more. He had spent months trying to push back every thought of Jesse like this, every dream of Jesse bare before him.

But Gabe was only barely holding himself together as it was. He would have to wait for another time to truly fuck Jesse like he wished he could.

Another time. Gabe would get to do this again. He would have Jesse for as long as Jesse would let him. The thought pushed Gabe too far and suddenly he was coming and everything had happened so fast.

Jesse grinned, coyote wild, and cleaned Gabe up with his tongue.

Second chances came pretty quick with a guy like Jesse around.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm still hanging aorund on [Tumblr](https://clareguilty.tumblr.com/)
> 
> But I've finally figured out how [Twitter](https://twitter.com/Clare_Guilty) works too


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